Misery
by Wai - Aki
Summary: The abrupt departure of Ken leads Omi and Youji to scheme for a plan to get the two obviously love-sick but too afraid of rejection assassins to fess up. The question is, will their plan work or will they have to take on desperate measures? AyaKen pairing


Konnichi wa, minna-san! Let *us* introduce ourselves...we are known as Solaris. 

Our 'real' names will remain a secret, considering some of us here *pointed look to no one in particular* doesn't really want her identity known. We've all been a Weiss Kreuz fan for some time now and have decided that it was about time we wrote something of our favorite coupling Aya/Ken!! Although one of us here might have an objection with that, being a Youji/Aya fan herself (although for some reason, her favorite character is Ken), the rest of us don't really care. But we might just write a fic for Youji-san one of these days...who knows? ^_^ The rating was determined by Z-chan, who thought that this fic should be classified as "PG-13" mostly because of the swearing. 

Disclaimer: *Kyoko* Mou, I didn't want to write this. Demo, Wai-chan promised that she'd write the first part for us...so, I guess duty calls. *clears throat* Saa, we don't own Weib Kreuz no daaah! And we don't own Rosier either, song belongs to Luna Sea. 

_Why love the distant moon, when one can cherish the warmth of the sun? _

_Believe in yourself, believe in who you are, but most importantly, believe in love. _

_~Solaris~_

**Misery**

This town that's forgotten even how to shine  
The crowd of sleepwalkers beneath the neon floods  
Within the drift of rotted ambitions  
Are the buildings that break up the night sky above

There's no room for dreams in this world

Flashes of lights. From the street light, from the within the houses, from passing cars, seemingly everywhere. When trying to finding serenity, a dark room isn't really the best place. Despite the privacy, the walls were so thin, you'd be able to hear someone else's breathing. 

And that, for certain, he was able to hear perfectly. Letting out an aggravated breath, he shifted again. How many times has it been? He wasn't counting. Although when he finally drew out a sigh in defeat, focusing on the rhythmic breathing of one asleep assassin, there was that drifting feeling again... 

The kind of feeling anyone would get listening to someone sleeping so soundly. How he could hear the other so clearly, he didn't know. The walls were thin, that he'd admit, but it couldn't possibly be thin enough for him to actually hear the other man *breathing*. Perhaps there was something wrong with him, as the brunette had accused. Of course, the accusation had been justified, since he had been in such a foul mood that day that he took it on the younger man. 

He still remembered clearly the look on Ken's face. He could've sworn that for a moment there, he thought he saw hurt in his eyes. Of course, it disappeared a second later, when the normally cheerful, clumsy assassin blew up in anger. 

"That's _it_!" He shouted loudly, eyes burning with fury, as he yanked his apron off. This caused a lot of the girls to widen their eyes in surprise, murmuring the brunette's name as if in a trance. Ken tossed the apron on the counter, his burning eyes locked to Aya's. Then without even an explanation, he took off on his bike. 

The last thing he remembered hearing was Omi's loud voice yelling for the soccer player to come back. Too late, Omi. Too late. He was too far away to hear any of their voices. Too fed up with inconsistence...Though he found it strange that Ken had been the first to break. 

Ken was gone for several days that they began to worry. Himself the most, of course, but he'd never say it. Never reveal it to anyone. Not even a phone call or a note. Youji kept on muttering that Omi was going insane. Truly enough, the youngest member of Weib had been the one worrying most...at least outwardly, about Ken. Despite endless phone calls to find out his whereabouts, the results were disappointing. 

But after two and a half weeks of disappearance, Ken finally came back. The sound of the engine of the bike never sounded so inviting before. Never made him feel so relieved. He had taken a glimpse outside the window. He had rarely done so, but ever since Ken's departure, any sound that even sounded remotely like a motor cycle made him turn his head. 

"Ken-kun!" The relief was evident in the younger boy's voice. There was a sound of the door being closed. Some muffled sounds. 

"Where's everyone else?" Ken asked. 

"Youji-kun is out to get some food. And Aya-kun...he's in his room." Replied Omi, reluctant to mention Aya's name. Just in case it reminded Ken of why he had left in the first place and take flight again. There was a silence and some undecipherable then shuffles of feet on the floor as the two made their way to the kitchen, where their voice drowned down. 

He could still hear their muffled voices in the night, although he couldn't make out as to what they were talking about. The fourth member, had gone off in one of his midnight escapades and none of them expected him to return until dawn. Most likely with one heck of a hangover. 

The kitchen door creaked open and he could hear the voices clearly once more. 

"Saa, I'm going up to my room." 

"All right Ken-kun. Oyasumi nasai." 

"Oyasumi nasai, Omi." Treading lightly on the steps, Ken walked slowly to his room. Although Aya noted that right in front of his bedroom, Ken paused for a moment, but then quickly made it to his own bedroom. He half-wished that the younger assassin would stop for a moment, just to at least say that he was back. 

Just a word. 

It would certainly provide the comfort that he lacked for the past how many weeks. It felt as if months had passed rather than just two weeks. What was that saying again? 

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. 

Kuso. He hated it when one of those clichés come out true in the end. When realizing what you can't have, you also realize that you want it. He groaned quietly, so the person next door wouldn't be able to hear. He could really use a drink right now. 

He sat up suddenly, blinking. Since when did he want a drink? And why the hell does he sound like Youji for a moment there? Forget the drink, he'd rather just punch a hole in the wall instead. But he really can't afford a broken hand nor can he afford a hole in the wall. It'll cost too much. 

In this town where you can't even see the shining stars  
Searching for the end in this night sky  
Holding up a slender fingertip to the night  
I search for an answer

Baka. 

How was he suppose to know who had conjured up all these feelings inside? One thing he did know, was that it wasn't at all normal. Although the four of them weren't exactly the picture of normalcy, considering their true identity as assassins and their double identity as florists. But to possess such a feeling was more abnormal than their standards of 'unusualness'. 

How would he, from even the hell that he live in, tell anyone at all that he had feelings for Hidaka Ken, his fellow assassin? Not only would they think the years of killings had finally made him lose his mind, they would also try and kill him on the spot. It was just unthinkable. 

He threw off the covers of his bed and sat up. Fingers ran through the long red hair, eyes looking up, slightly red from the lack of sleep. With a sigh, he rose to his feet, approaching the window. Light from the outside streamed into his dark room, silhouettes of night creatures dancing on the floor. 

He reached out, fingertips touching the cold glass. Almost touching the light, yet, unreachable. He let out a bitter laugh. Was that not a perfect metaphor for what he was going through? Wasn't it true that he was reaching out for something he can't touch. He can never have. And no matter how hard he would try, it would be as if searching for an answer in the cold, dark night. Vision disrupted...unable to see. 

Fingers curling up to fists, he punched the wall half-heartedly. He wasn't about to create a stir by waking anyone up. But he needed to release the growing frustration within him. It had been so much easier to act cold and not feel a thing. Or at least, pretend not to feel anything. But when his surroundings finally effect him, to shut himself off from the rest of the world became harder and harder. 

"Kuso." He breathed. _Why the hell did I have to fall in love with him?_

He suddenly remembered the conversation he had with Youji just days before. The two of them had been talking for some time now. Who would have guessed that Youji knew so much about him...

"What do you want Kudou?" Aya half-growled at Youji. The older blonde grinned back down at Aya, who had been quietly having his breakfast. Of course, Youji had one thing in mind. The little mission he and Omi had decided on. 

"Oh, nothing really. Just wondering how our gracious leader is doing these days." He said, taking a seat beside Aya. 

"Lousy. There, you now know. So why not leave me alone?" Aya said, before focusing on what he had initially been doing. Reading. 

"But I've graced you with my presence, the least you can do is let me stay and chat." Youji said smoothly, taking off his sunglasses, examined it and putting it back on. The grin never faltered and it was making Aya's blood boil. However, he tried his best to keep calm. There would be no victory in trying to kill Youji. 

"So, what's up with you these days?" Aya raised an eyebrow. Was Kudou trying to strike up a conversation? And right in the middle of breakfast too? 

"Your point?" 

"Come on, I've seen the way you look at Kenken!" Exclaimed Youji. Aya dropped the fork he had been holding with a clatter. Angered violet eyes glaring at Youji's emerald ones. 

"Does this conversation have a point really?" He asked, trying to resist the urge to get his katana and chop the blonde up into pieces. 

"Admit it, Aya." Youji paused for effect. "You. Love. Him." And no one thought he was perceptive, he thought silently, smirking still. 

"Kudou, be happy that it's far too early in the morning or else I would have killed you." Aya said calmly. Too calm for Youji's comfort. 

Had he and Omi been mistaken? So Aya didn't love Ken after all? 

"Don't avoid the conversation, Aya. Just admit it." Still no answer but a glare from the red head. Finally, Youji moved on to plan b. If the direct approach didn't work, there's always jealousy. "Oh well. If you don't want Kenken, then I guess he's up for grabs. I've always liked him anyway. I wonder if he'll agree to go with me or maybe I can set him up with one of our customers." 

Before the he even finished the sentence, he found himself pulled out of his seat and drawn close to the face of a snarling Abyssinian. "Don't you even **think **about it, got me?" No matter how terrifying that prospect may be, Youji knew he had to carry out the plan. Besides, this was quickly gaining his interest. 

"Why shouldn't I? He's free to go out with anyone he wants. Besides, it's not like anyone else is rooting up for him." Youji said with a shrug. 

"Don't you dare play around, Kudou. If you even dare hurt him in anyway, I'll-" 

"You'll do what?" Challenged Youji. If he's lucky, he'd be able to catch Aya off guard. And if he's able to do that, the red head might slip up and say his real feelings aloud. But unfortunately, Aya loosened the hold on Youji's collar and then his hands dropped down to his sides. 

"All I want is for him to be happy. That's it." He said in a quiet, almost defeated voice. Youji frowned. He never heard of Aya talking this way before. With authority , yes. With anger, definitely. Hatred, most definitely. But with defeat? That just wasn't the Abyssinian he knows. 

"Then why not tell him?" Youji suggested. A bitter laugh, un-Aya like flew out of the red head's throat.

"Right. And send him packing?" Aya shook his head. "I'd much rather leave things the way they are." He said, then began to walk away. What Youji said next, however, stopped him in his tracks.

"And what if he feels the same way?" 

He didn't turn around, just shook his head. "He won't." And this time, he went up to his room.

"But I know for a fact he does." Youji said, even though the red head couldn't hear.

Shaking, shaking, right now my soul  
Is unable to believe in anything  
The thing that bloomed was my rosy heart  
Shaking, shaking, in this world  
It's impossible to love  
It's so clear that it hurts, just like a flower petal 

ROSIER, I can't get close  
ROSIER, to the you who I loved  
ROSIER, I can't hold on to you  
ROSIER, I love you too much 

  


He put down the coffee cup, an unsettling feeling at the pit of his stomach as he let out a long sigh and looked up. Brown eyes clashed with brown. The younger boy's eyes were sometimes just too naive for comfort. But he knew that he most likely wear the same look at times. 

A clueless look, almost pleading, as he gaze at the one person he ever loved. Love, in terms of more than just sibling love. Or the close friendship that he had perceived, though gravely mistaken, in Kase. He had to tell Omi, he made that resolution during his getaway. 

Getaway? He should really call it runaway. That was exactly what he was doing. Running away from the truth, terrified and angered by his feelings. Feelings that couldn't possibly be returned. If ever said aloud, he would lose not only his pride and dignity, but his place in Weib. There was no way he could ever work alongside Aya again. 

He simply couldn't take the suffocation that he felt as Aya glared at him. It was as if that cold glare, laced with hatred--what he perceived as hatred--would come crashing down on him. And there was something inside of him, that longed for release, took the spark of anger and desperation of the moment and made good use of it. When he took off, it took him minutes to realize what he had just done. He had cursed himself, for that moment of weakness. He wasn't ready to go back, not until he could pick up all his thoughts and feelings and bottle them up once more. And it took him exactly nine days to pull himself together. All because of his feelings for Aya.

"Ken-kun?" A soft voice threw him off his train of thoughts. Fists clenched, he took a deep breath in. 

"The reason I left, Omi, was because of Aya." 

"Aya-san...Aya-san is the reason you left?" Omi repeated carefully, there was understanding in his eyes. Ken winced. The younger boy will not have understanding in his eyes when he hears the reason. He would be disgusted, like how he pictured Omi would react. 

"I left because-because..." 

Chikuso! There are only 3 words! One syllable each! Why the hell was it so hard to say it then? Omi could sense the frustration from Ken and he nodded his head. He knew that despite the fact that Ken was older age-wise, there were things that the older brunette just couldn't come to terms with. His own feelings being one of them. 

"Because you love Aya." Omi finished flatly. 

The look on Ken's face was so precious, Omi wished that he had a camera with him at the moment. Of course, Ken would have probably whack him senseless for doing so...Still, it was an amusing thought. 

"Nande? H-how did you know?" Stuttered Ken, looking wide-eyed to the younger boy. Even though Omi perceives things in a mature way, as in, he knows more than boys his age do, sometimes it's rather surprising to hear such observations from the youngest of the group. 

Omi smiled and nodded his head. "I may be the youngest of all of us, but I do know certain things better than any of you." Omi said, voicing Ken's earlier thoughts. 

"Demo, y-you're not going to tell him are you?" Fingers running through brown hair in a nervous gesture. There was amusement in Omi's eyes, but he kept his thoughts to himself. After all, if Ken or the others were to find out about his own relationship...It would be premature to reveal it now. 

"Of course not, Ken-kun." He replied. Ken breathed a sigh of relief. "You're going to do that." Then choked. He stared at Omi with horror. The younger blonde was smiling mischievously. Ken groaned, knowing there was no way out of this one. 

"I can't do that Omi!" He exclaimed in exasperation. "Why do you think I left in the first place! I couldn't handle all this! I know he won't return my feelings." The last spoken in a mere whisper. A sympathetic gaze and a nod in understanding was the reply he got. 

"I understand that you're scared, Ken-kun. But how would you know that Aya-kun wouldn't return your feelings?" 

Ken rolled his eyes, as if the answer was obvious. "This is Aya we're talking about. The only person to ever get a positive response from him was Sakura...and Aya-chan." 

"You'll never know if you don't try." 

Ken let out a frustrated sigh. "Forget it Omi. I'll never be able to tell him." He paused. "He's so close and yet, he's so far away. Out of my reach."

What to do with a stubborn Siberian? Omi shook his head, knowing that one of these days either Ken or Aya...one of them, would have to tell the other about their feelings. And as much as both Omi and Youji had noticed, the feeling was mutual. Youji had been the first to notice it of course. Who could expect less from Mr. Playboy himself? 

That was when their little scheme, nicknamed "Love struck", finally commenced. 

The name came from Youji, go figure. But Omi wasn't all that bothered with the name, but rather with the scheme itself. Youji was going to get Aya to confess, a task much easier said than done and the blonde knew that. 

Omi, though obviously getting the better piece of the pie, had no easy task either. It was easier, that he'd admit, but it wasn't easy. There is nothing worse than a stubborn Siberian. And a brash, stubborn Siberian was an even worse prospect. But of course, there's no way either of the two men in this mission are going to back down. 

"Ken-kun," Omi began, as an idea leapt up. "What would happen if you or Aya-kun gets hurt in the next mission?" Ken visibly tensed at the idea. 

"I'm not saying that it will happen, but what would happen if it did? Aya-kun would have had no clue about your feelings. Would you want your feelings to be kept a secret forever?" He paused, seeing that Ken had looked down on the floor, bangs obscuring his vision. "He has the right to know." Omi finished softly, praying that Ken would at least try. 

Silence. 

"Onegai, Ken-kun. Do it for yourself. And for Aya's sake." Omi pleaded, silently adding, "And for mine too." 

Suddenly, Ken nodded slowly. If at all, he had to admit his feelings...He needs to let it out, because holding everything in was becoming more and more difficult. Especially because a love like this one was impossible to keep...It hurts too much. 

"All right." Looking up, pushing his bangs away from his eyes, he nodded again. "I'll tell him." He sounded unsure, but there was a finality in his voice as well.

Phase one is officially completed. Now on to phase two, get Aya to agree...Maybe they'll be able to accomplish this before the next millennia. If they're lucky, that is. 

"Where did you go anyway?" Inquisitive gaze, directed at the brunette. An ironic smile. 

"Just to some place. You know, old memories and such." He replied, eyes glazing over for a moment. He didn't know how he ended there in the first place. By some cruel twist of fate, he had ended up at the exact same spot he had met Yuriko. And then he left and found himself at some coffee shop that he had used to go to. It all seemed such a long time ago. 

"Reliving my past." Ken said softly. 

"Are you tired of this, Ken-kun?" He looked over to the younger boy. True that he was younger age-wise, but in terms of thinking and maturity, he seems so much older. Well, when he's not acting like his overly genki usual self that is. 

"A little." He looked back at his cup of tea. "Demo, I have something that holds me back here. Despite how tough these past months have been." 

"You're not the only one grown weary by this, Ken-kun...demo, from all of us, I guess you're the one with the most stable background. And I don't blame you for longing that life." 

A sardonic smile found its way on his face as he shook his head. "I'm not looking for stability, even though I hate uncertainty. I'm looking for something more than that...something I can't have." His eyes flashed with pain for a moment and he looked down, letting his bangs cover his eyes. 

"Ken-kun." 

  


  
I've pricked my heart  
  
By the time I knew, I was born  
Reason or quest, not being told  
What do I do. What should I take  
Words "God Only Knows" won't work for me  
Nothing starts, nothing ends in this city  
Exists only sever lonesome and cruel reality  
But still I search for light  
I am the trigger. I choose my final way  
Whether I bloom or fall, is up to me

He fell on his bed, groaning. As his face hit the pillow, he winced. How the hell does he get himself stuck into situations like this anyway? Why did he have to open his big mouth and actually *agree* to tell Aya about his feelings? 

Was he absolutely insane? 

"I plead temporary insanity." He muttered to himself as he flipped to lay on his back. He looked up at the white ceiling, hands behind his head. How can he tell Aya about his feelings when he doesn't even understand them himself? He doesn't know why he's fallen in love with Aya. For Kami's sake, he could have sworn he was straight! After all, he expressed his interests in girls, even had a crush on a girl before. 

Was he not tempted to start a relationship with Yuriko before? Although in the end, he realized for her own safety, he had to let her go. He let out a short laugh, feeling tears stinging his eyes. He blinked a couple of times, not understanding why he was feeling all this. Why did everything have to be so complicated? 

Hadn't it been much better when they all just lived and worked together but didn't actually interact with each other? Hadn't it been better when they each kept their distance from each other? That way no one was affected and they had their peace and personal space. 

Who broke into that sanctuary and threw them all together, so that they now couldn't possibly exist without one another? It had been so much easier when they were independent from each other. When they merely exchanged glances and not have anything further than that. Orders and comments, but that's about it. 

He groaned once more, before stuffing a pillow in his face to muffle himself. He didn't know how or why, but Aya seems to be able to hear any sound coming from Ken's room clearly. Maybe the red head had sharp hearing...or maybe he's listening very intently. He smacked himself on the forehead, cursing under his breath. 

"Don't think of that!" He hissed at himself. What's the use of giving yourself false hopes? If there are no chances of it, then let it be. Don't even think about it. You'd only hurt yourself more. 

_Why did I have to join Weib?_

Bitter thoughts, regrets of ever getting caught in a mess like this.

_Why am I in love with a man that tried to KILL me once?_

Questions that are to be left unanswered. There are no answers to these questions and yet, they are asked. Sometimes you can't help but ask them, even though you know there are simply no answers. And it kills you inside. 

Unpredictability. 

He hated it with a passion. Not being able to be in control of your own life. But that came with the job. But no one told him that it also comes with being in love. Whether you'd be rejected or accepted, it's all a part of it. But he'd rather be in charge of it, he'd rather be able to control whether he's accepted or not. That way, he knows beforehand whether or not he will fall. At least then, he'd provide a soft landing for himself. 

"Who am I kidding?" He asked himself. Then with another sigh, he placed a hand over his eyes and fell to a dreamless sleep. An escape from his troubles. 

  
I've pricked my heart  
I am the trigger  
I've pricked my heart

In this town where you can't even see the shining stars  
Searching for the end in this night sky  
Holding up a slender fingertip to the night  
I search for an answer

"Baka." He muttered to no one in particular as he filled up the shelves. He was working the morning shift with Youji, which really meant that he was working alone. Aya had disappeared off somewhere, no one really knew. Well, except for Youji that is. The older blonde seem to know a secret both Ken and Omi knew nothing about. He had been whistling the whole morning. 

And it's starting to drive Ken insane. 

He looked up, seeing the blonde wiping the counter for the umpteenth time, whistling that cheerful 'mocking' tune. After all, Ken's mood that morning was far from cheerful and he'd rather go on a mission than to stock up the shelves. Especially because later on, Omi wanted to have another talk with him. 

That was the third time that week. And it had all been the same. "Tell him how you feel!" Every single time, it would be the same pleas with the same look on the younger assassin's face. But Ken had been hesitant, always looking away from that pleading look. Despite the pouts and despite the eyes, he knew he had to be stronger than that. If he wasn't, he'd just get himself into an even bigger mess. 

He didn't need another problem, he's got plenty of his own. And for Aya to hate him for the rest of his life was definitely not a cheerful thought. Maybe living in agony, carrying the unrequited love, wouldn't be half as bad as being hated or feared for or avoided, for the rest of his life. However long or short that may be. 

"Youji, would you please stop whistling?" He snapped. There was no way he could concentrate with the pots when the other was still whistling that stupid tune. 

"Why?" 

"Because I can't concentrate! And if I can't concentrate, I'll drop these pots! And if I drop these pots then I'll make a mess and that'll piss Aya off." Ken said, mentally kicking himself. How is it that the red head always seem to show up in various sentences and in random thoughts nowadays? 

"Un. Any requests?" Youji said with a grin, cigarette in one hand. Ken shook his head in defeat.

"Anything BUT that song." He pleaded. 

"You got it, Kenken." Youji said as he hummed the tune to Glay's "Beloved". The thought of suicide had never been so desirable. Anything to get himself away from any of Youji's whistles. As he went to get more pots, he thought of where did his old self go. 

Whatever happened to the happy-go-lucky Ken? The one that loved soccer and only soccer and would carry out missions with ease without much on his mind. Maybe the occasional morbid thoughts of his 'friend' Kase, but other than that, he had pretty much a normal life. What happened to him? 

"Cheer up Kenken!" Youji said, as he waltzed out of the shop, to get his tenth cigarette break that morning. Ken shook his head, he couldn't help but smile. He didn't know what was wrong with Youji, but it seems that the blonde is awfully happy lately. 

"Maybe he found himself a great girlfriend." He muttered to himself, as he balanced the pots in his hands and walked back to the shelves, happy that he hadn't broken anything today. However, his thoughts were broken when a voice suddenly called his name, 

"Ken?" Jinx! 

Omi would have been able to balance the pots, despite being scared out of his wits. Youji would have been able to do something to keep the pots from falling. And Aya...wouldn't have even faltered. But of course, he's neither of them. He's Hidaka Ken, Assassin and Klutz-extraordinaire. He dropped the pots he was holding. 

"Kuso!" He exclaimed, glancing to the owner of the voice and the broken pots. His face paled immediately as he realized whose voice it was. He wanted to crawl under the counter and die, because he had failed to notice the owner of the voice. And the owner of the voice just happened to be the person he had been thinking of for the last...two or three months. 

"Need help?" Aya said, raising an eyebrow. He hadn't even reacted to the broken pots. Oh well...That's a good thing. 

"Iie. I'm fine." Ken said, blushing. He went to the store room to get a broom. It was his mess, so he had to clean it up. "What are you doing here anyway?" He asked, as he began to clean the mess. 

Aya shrugged. "I work and live here, remember?" Another blush. 

"Anno, that's not what I meant." Ken said. 

"I know." Ken looked up in confusion. This doesn't sound like Aya at all. The Fujimiya Aya he knew didn't make conversations. Heck, he hardly says anything at all. But what did he mean by that? 

"Nande?" 

"It's nothing." Aya said dismissively as he headed towards the stairs. "I'll be back later. Tell Youji to come back inside, we're going to be busy later on." 

"H-hai." Ken said quietly, watching his retreating figure. 

Shaking, shaking, right now my soul  
Is unable to believe in anything  
The thing that bloomed was my rosy heart  
Shaking, shaking, in this world  
It's impossible to love  
So fleeting, it's starting to fall, like a flower petal

How many ways are there to make yourself look stupid in front of yourself? He must have broken the record. Sighing, he closed the door to his room, walking towards the window. Despite the encouragements from Youji and even from his own imouto...He had called her. 

He needed someone else's advice. Obviously he wasn't going to ask Omi. Omi is Ken's closest friend, so naturally the youngest assassin was out of the question. He was too close to Ken for Aya's own comfort. Thus, he went to the nearest--no, farthest--telephone booth and dialed his imouto's number. It had been highly entertaining to hear the excited squeak of his imouto as he first spoke. 

"Onii-chan? Is it really you?" He missed her. He was sorry that he had to leave her behind, but for her own sake as well as his own, she had a better life in Kyoto than she would ever have in Tokyo. They spoke of a lot of things, mostly of what had happened in the past. And of course, she had asked the question that soon lead to his dilemma. 

"So, are you seeing anyone?" 

It came out as a gentle, nonchalant of an answer, before she urged for the details. She hadn't been surprised to find out that his latest--not 'crush' as she had put it--'interest' is a guy. She reacted as if it happened every single day. Not one day does she cease to amaze him. 

"Aren't you even going to tell me his name?" She half-demanded. And he told her, only to be met with yet another excited squeak. "Some of the girls here told me about him! I even saw his picture! He's kawaii!" Then she added, "If you're not after him, I probably would have done so!" 

"Imouto." He said warningly. A giggle on the other line. Leave it to his imouto to joke at something like this. He then explained the problem and she had been most sympathetic. 

"Onii-chan, you have to tell him." She said softly. "You can't just leave your feelings unsaid. Rejection is perfectly normal, although I highly doubt that he'd ever reject someone like you." 

"He's straight, imouto." 

"And how would you know that? Has he ever told you? Have you ever asked?" She paused. "You. Don't. Know. And that's exactly the problem. Neither of you do." 

"Aya-chan-" 

"Iie! You're not even listening! If you can stand up to fight the evils in this world without fearing your life, why should something simplistic as to confess your love to someone terrify you so?" 

"Because I know what I'm up against when I'm in missions. And I have no idea what I'm up against now." 

"Baka! If that's the way you're thinking then you'll never have him!" She sighed with frustration. "You know what? Call me again when you want to act like my real onii-chan." And she hung up before he could even say goodbye. He had never felt so foolish in his entire life. 

At least, not until he got back to the shop. There, when he nearly said something he would have surely regretted, he had looked like a fool. The confused look on Ken's face, it had been enough to make him step away. Although he did notice some sort of disappointment in the brunette's face. Or was it just the blush?

"Shimatta." It hurts. 

Shaking, shaking, right now my soul  
Is unable to believe in anything  
The thing that bloomed was my rosy heart  
Shaking, shaking, in this world  
It's impossible to love  
It's so clear that it hurts, just like a flower petal

He shivered slightly, clothes sticking to his body courtesy of the heavily fallen rain. Just another post-mission nights. And a cold one at that. But that hadn't been what made him shiver. Maybe it was the cold glares he kept on getting from his 'leader' because he couldn't concentrate. His aim was a bit off and he nearly tripped over one of the bodies scattered on the floor. 

_Kuso! Why tonight?_

He knew there was no way he could pass on this mission, but he also knew that he would jeopardize the safety of his friends and himself if he went. Of course, he'd always pick the latter, as the risk is higher if he had chosen the former. He quickly went up to his room to change. Leaving the soaked clothes discarded on the floor as he sat on his bed for a moment. 

He walked towards the fogged up window, holding up a trembling hand to touch the cold windowpane. He could see his own reflection on the window. The water droplets made the impression that he was crying. Certainly, it looked so on the reflection. But to his utmost surprise, as he held up one hand to touch his own face--and saw the wet droplets on his own fingertips--he knew that it wasn't the rain. 

His vision grew blurry by the droplets of rain falling from his own eyes. It wasn't the sky that was crying. He was crying. Carry the burden of this love, remaining forever unrequited. Carrying the burden of this love, that will remain unsaid. "How cruel is fate, I ask thee?" He whispered softly, brokenly.

A sob escaped his throat, as he slid down to his knees. One hand on the wall for support as the sobs wrecked his body, leaning his forehead to the wall. Why is love so impossible? Why must he be cursed with this fate? Was it not enough that this bloody destiny was shoved into his hands? 

Who will accept him? Who would accept an assassin and love him despite his sins? If he were to find that person, he would end up leaving them again, because he can't possibly bear the burden of staining the hands of an innocent. But he didn't want that anyway. The love he's longing for, it's out of his reach. 

ROSIER, I can't get close  
ROSIER, to the you who I loved  
ROSIER, I can't hold on to you  
ROSIER, or even to myself

Hands held up, ready to knock on the wooden surface of the door. Yet, falling back down hesitantly. A shake of the head and the figure walked away, going instead to the safe haven of his own room. Unbeknownst, two figures hidden in the shadows, watching the all too familiar scene. 

It had been the sixteenth time that week that the red head had attempted to knock on the brunette's door. And always, at the last moment, he walks away. Two blondes, one much older than the other, shaking the head in disappointment. The taller, older one blew out the smoke of the lit cigarette. The younger one looked up at his companion, a disapproving glare. The older smiled, patted the younger one on the head before stepping out of the shadow. 

"Yet another, ne Omitchi?" 

"I'm getting tired of this, Youji-kun." Omi said with a sigh. Youji blew yet another smoke from his cigarette, causing Omi to deepen his frown. "Can you stop smoking? You know it's bad for your health!" Omi chided. 

"You're starting to sound like Kenken, Omitchi." Youji said, raising an eyebrow. Omi blushed slightly, but shook his head. "Don't worry, it's not an insult. Far from it, I'm intrigued." 

"Stop it! We're here to fix Aya-kun and Ken-kun together!" Omi exclaimed. 

"That we are." Youji said, putting out his cigarette, much to Omi's surprise. "Now what I suggest is that we move into the emergency plan." Omi's eyes widened. 

"You wouldn't!" 

"Oh, yes I would." Youji said, eyes dancing with amusement. He had been ready to carry out the so-called 'emergency' plan since the beginning, knowing too well how stubborn both Siberian and Abyssinian can be. 

"But that's going to get you killed!" Omi protested. _Not to mention me!_

"Why Omitchi, I didn't know you cared!" Omi rolled his eyes, but didn't say a word. "Nothing like some life-threatening situation. It'll be just like a real mission." 

"I still don't agree to it." 

"There's no compromise. We've agreed to this already." An exchange of looks, before a soft defeated sigh was heard from the younger blonde and a satisfied smirk made its way on the face of the older blonde. 

"N-nani?" Stuttered Ken, as he gazed wide-eyed at Youji. Resisting the urge to laugh, Youji pasted on a serious expression on his face. 

"I'm serious Kenken, the girl wants to go out with you." He said calmly. "And she made me promise to help her. There's no way you can say no." He added firmly. 

"D-demo...Youji-kun, how could you! Y-you didn't even consider how I would feel!" Ken protested. 

"Hey, I have my problems too. If I don't help this girl, I'll have more than one thing to lose." 

"And what the hell is that?" 

"Her two older sisters of course." Replied Youji with a smile. Ken groaned as he dropped his head to the counter he had been wiping seconds ago. 

"But why does it have to be me? Why not Omi? Or Aya? Or YOU!" 

"She has no interest in any of us. Just you, Kenken." Another smile. 

"Why don't you go for it, Ken-kun? A little date never hurt anyone." Omi suggested, looking amused with the situation. Ken threw him a glare, as the younger blonde knew quite well that a date like this _would_ hurt someone. 

"Don't get on my case, Omi. You're suppose to be my friend, remember?" 

"Well, I'm also Youji-kun's friend and I agree with him!" Exclaimed Omi happily. Great, now even Omi's acting all happy. 

"This. Isn't. Fair." Ken said through gritted teeth, drawing out each word. 

"Who ever said that life is fair?" 

He threw his hands in the air in frustration and of course, the only person to hold his affections took that moment to walk through the door. 

"What are you up to this time, Kudou?" 

"Can you please convince Kenken here that a date will do him no harm? Just make him agree to go out with this one girl, so we can all live in peace." 

"You mean so you can live in peace." Omi chipped in. Youji gave a swat in the air, a gesture to shut the younger blonde up. Omi chuckled and shook his head, waiting for Aya's reaction. Ken, on the other hand, looked horrified. He had completely forgotten about Aya. But then again, would it not be the time and place to find out whether or not Aya held feelings for him? 

"Whatever." A cold, simplistic, Aya-like answer. Shot down in broad daylight. It was virtually impossible not to recognize the defeated look Ken had on his face. But one blind assassin surely did not see it. Youji looked close to beating the daylights out of their leader at that moment. 

But Ken...he didn't say a word as he slipped out of the room. And only then did Aya caught a glimpse of the defeated look on the brunette's face, despite his eyes being shadowed by his brown bangs. His eyes widened in realization and he turned around to look at Youji. 

The blonde was mouthing the words silently, but Aya knew what he was saying. Baka. 

Forget his fears, forget his resolves, forget his pain. It wasn't the pain of being hurt anymore, it was the pain of being the one to cause such pain to the one you love. And that, by far, hurts more. 

He leaned against one of the walls, struggling to breathe. Had he not been the one that desperately wanted to know if Aya cared? Now that he knows the answer, why was it so much harder? He jerked up suddenly at the sound of the door being closed. 

He didn't trust himself to look back, knowing only too well who was there. 

"Ken?" Inquisitive, a hint of softness in his voice. 

"Hai?" Hesitant, almost afraid. Afraid to find out why he had come...A sudden fear took him over. Did he know? The silence that hung in the air was so long, it seemed to have last through eternity. An eternity of holding that ever consuming fear in. 

"I didn't mean. What I said, moments ago." Voice quiet, almost laced with worry and even--fear? "I do care." He held his breath, eyes widening. "Demo, it's-it's your life. And as far as I know, I still want you as a friend, no matter the outcome." Another silence. Then, he could hear Aya turn around and started to head towards the door. On impulse, trusting his instincts rather than his head, he reacted. 

On impact, Aya's eyes widened in surprise and he looked back, only to have arms wrapping around his waist, almost as if clinging to him for life. Head buried into his back. Tears seeping into the material of his shirt, hearing only muffled sobs and mumbled words. However, he managed to catch some of the muffled words. "I don't want to be only a friend to you."

Was it true that love needn't words? Maybe it was. For all he knew, though there was still that nagging doubt in his mind, the brunette's brash actions and muffled words had confirmed what both Youji and his own imouto had told him--what he hadn't believed--that Ken loved him after all. 

Disentangling himself from the brunette's arms, much to the younger man's protests, tilting tears-streaked face to look up at him. Fingers carefully brushing away the tears, lingering for a moment or two. There was no need for words and yet... 

"Aishiteru."

While the two exchanged words that had been left unspoken for far too long, two smiling spectators watched the view from the crack of the door. And as heads leaned forward for a kiss, the two spectators promptly exchanged a mute high-five and handshakes, before looking back at the couple, sharing the soul-searching kiss as a seal for the feelings that had been left bottled up for so long. 

"Am I good or am I good?" Youji asked quietly. 

"I'd go for option C." Omi replied. 

"What the hell is that?" 

"Lucky." He said, eyes looking back to the two, who shared yet another lingering kiss. 

"Nande ka?" Ken asked, mouth hanging open. Omi and Youji exchanged sheepish looks and nodded their heads. Not realizing his jaws was still hanging open, Ken merely stared at his two friends, who had just released the details of their now infamous scheme. A hand reached forward to tilt Ken's face up and promptly closing his wide-open mouth. 

Aya looked non-too-pleased at the confession. And from the look of things, he was eyeing his katana, propped in a corner, too often for the comfort of the youngest and oldest assassin. To put simply, their lives were currently in danger. Ken, however, noticed the look on Aya's face and decided, against his own will but to his better judgment, to prevent any massacre. 

"Saa, I suppose we owe you something then." He said with a sigh, drawing a half-glare from Aya. 

"What, you're going to let them go?" Ken grinned, all too deviously. 

"Of course not. I'd expect them to fill in for our shifts for two weeks for this deed." He replied. The look on both Omi's and Youji's faces was too much for Ken to take, as the brunette burst out laughing. The red head beside him couldn't resist the urge to smirk either, or the urge to slip an arm around the brunette's waist, drawing him closer. 

Omi shrugged. "Well, at least we got the two of you together. That's accomplishment enough." He paused for a moment to grin. "Being able to listen to your confessions of love was enough for the two of us." At the term 'confessions of love' Ken felt a rising blush on his face. 

"Besides, this way, we have something to blackmail the two of you with." Youji added, quickly heading towards the stair, followed by Omi. "Come on Omitchi, might as well enjoy what's left of our free time before we're driven to work by these slave drivers." 

"Saa, Yotan, that's your fault anyway." 

"Nande? I managed this plan perfectly! Any flaws just happen to be in your side, Omitchi." Omi gave a snort, before nudging the older blonde in the ribs. 

"Flaws? I think you're talking about yourself, Yotan." Omi said. 

"NANI? If I get my hands on you, I'll--Hey! Matte Omi!" 

Ken frowned at the exchange between the two and then tilted his head to look up at Aya. "You don't think that those two..." 

Aya shrugged. "You never know. No one would have guessed about us." Aya said with a smirk. Ken laughed, an amused light dancing in his eyes. 

"I wouldn't say that." He received a glare for that comment, but it quickly melted away as the brunette quickly threw his arms around the older man's waist in a warm hug. And as people walked by in front of the shop, some stopping to stare at the embracing couple.

_No matter the wait, if in the end you love me, it was worth the pain..._

~Solaris~ 

Idea - Keiko

'Script' - Ryoko, Wai-chan and Akira

Character Assessment - Sei-kun (not part of Solaris)

Encouragements - Z-chan

Ryoko: All done! Doesn't that leave you with a heart-warming feeling? 

Akira: Not really... 

Wai-chan: Hypocrite, you're just saying that because we didn't write a Youji/Aya or Youji/Ken fic.

Akira: So what? 

Minna: .......

Keiko: Arigatou for reading and putting up with us. And please review.

Wai-chan: Because the whole idea for this fic comes from Keiko. So if you don't like it, blame Keiko. 

Ryoko: If you find any grammar mistakes, then please keep it to yourselves. We suck in grammar, considering we're all non-English speakers here. Well, not first language English speakers anyway. 

Keiko: What Ryoko means is that, if anyone's willing to beta for us, we'd love it. 

Minna: bow head and walk off


End file.
